I have always had a hard time giving money.
Every time I hear the pastor at church talk about the importance of giving money, anxiety runs to my throat and renders me speechless with only excuses left to fill my head.
“Well I don’t have any money to give.”
“I will give next week.”
“I forgot my checkbook, dang.”
“I will give when I make more money.”
“I already give enough.”
“I serve, that is giving right?”
These are just some of the excuses that run through my mind every time I hear the need or the request. Each one is filled with it’s own ridiculousness, and each one seems to ring truer every time the anxiety of not giving rushes over my body.
Truthfully, I do give.
Each month, me and my wife both support a compassion kid.
We support a friend who is a church planter.
We offer our home to host parties and friends.
We give of our time to serve others.
But this is not the giving that I feel convicted on.
Where the struggle plays out for me is in the way I sacrificially give.
I do not understand what it means to give till it hurts.
This brings the deepest problem to the surface. I am scared to give.
My trust only goes as far as my budget will go. And with each automatic withdrawal, the safety of giving casually protects me from the giving sacrificially.
Giving is suppose to hurt. I don’t want to hurt.
Therefore I do not give.