Lately this has been on my mind. What is happiness? For the longest time, happiness to me was getting to do stuff, accomplish things, and doing things that i love. Let me explain…i have had some pretty crazy jobs, making tshirts, gas station, churches, janitor, so for the longest time the subject of jobs was a sore one. i would get to the point, minus a couple of jobs, where i would hate my job. i hated everything about it, getting up early, the routine of it, the boredom, everything about it. i started to live for the days that i got to do something maybe “special” or maybe the last day of the job or getting to leave early. i started to realize that i was not happy with any of these jobs and that to find my happiness i needed to do things that made me happy.
Which you might be wondering what that was: watching tv, playing video games, reading new books, playing sports, hanging with family, playing music, other things like that.
So i came to a place in my life where i was still searching for happiness, i was getting ready to graduate and be done with college (still haven’t graduated, another post, another day) getting ready to go on my internship and hoping that this would bring me happiness with new adventure and fun and maybe i would find a women. i was sadly mistaking when i realized that i missed my family, missed the midwest (go figure) and was enjoying what i was doing but a lot of the times was not happy. Then i got another chance, a chance to teach, to be around the fam, to live in the midwest, to actual start making some money and have a roth ira. i started my new job of being a teacher and enjoyed it the first day, after that i started to hate it again! i was thinking that i was going to find some happiness in it, going to find some meaning. And all it was doing was making me miserable. Two months ago, i hated my job…am i allowed to say that? Well, i am being honest here. two months ago i hated my job and was not happy at all.
But today, i am sitting in my room on christmas break ready to go back, excited about another school semester, and really liking my job. Why the change you might ask? Maybe because my students got me a PS3 for christmas, or maybe because i am getting to know them better, or maybe because i get to hang out with some amazing teachers like Mrs. Bean and Mr. Najjar. Those are good reasons, but my happiness has changed, my outlook has changed. So what is true happiness for me and how did i find it?
Happiness, i have found does not have to do with my job, or what i get to do. i have come to find that happiness is found in who i am. A sinner saved by grace. And as cheesy as that sounds, or as typical as that sounds, it was all new and very real for me. For the longest time i was finding my happiness in what i was doing and what i got to do. Going from amazing situation to amazing situation would make me happy and wanting to continue to live and to love. But those opportunities were few and far between and i started to realize that i had to change some things. After long conversations with my dad and some convo with God, i have come to find my happiness in who i am as a christ-follower. When i wake up in the morning, i don’t think about what i am doing that day or try to make myself happy by getting excited about doing lunch duty that day. No, i have come to the place in my life where i am excited about the chance to share in the plan of redemption and grace.
i do know one thing, i do not have it figured out or even close to being there. i realize that down the road my happiness will get distorted and i will have to really fight to keep it where it should be. But for now i am happy and am ready to continue where i am at, a follower of christ.