I have a hard time asking. Really asking for anything is hard for me. Whether that be for help, advice, money, etc..whatever it may be, I don’t do it well. I can think of the emotions that are stirring in me now as I think back to times where I had to ask someone for help, the nerves paralyzed me to the point of going without the help. I wonder if I am the only one that struggles with asking?
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and they start talking about something that you have never heard of but you act like you know exactly what they are talking about because you don’t want to look stupid? Instead of saying you have no clue what that means or who that is or how it works, you simply play along and act like you know. For some reason it is easier to pretend then to ask for help. I do this all the time. I mean seriously, all I have to do is say, “no I do not know what that is, can you explain that to me.” Instead I just sit there and try to piece together a conversation that I am pretending to know about.
I have even tried this technique: “Whats the worst that can happen, they say no?“ Yes, actually that is the worst that can happen, they say no and I am become very disappointed. This usually paralyzes me even more. I do not like to be rejected, I do not like to hear no, and I definitely do not like to ask. When you have an idea and you want it to work out, one of the things that can kill that idea is hearing no. I have heard all the stories about the guys that heard no and still push through and make it (save those words of advice for your kids) and I have tried this myself. But after hearing no so many times you begin to forget what yes sounds like.
Asking cheapens you and what you are asking about. More credit to the guy that is persistent and continues to ask girls out even if he hears no. More power to you, but doesn’t it cheapen who he is by hearing no from ten girls in a row? Maybe this is a terrible perception, but the guys and gals that can continue to ask and move on after hearing a no often seem to portray the idea that what they are asking about really doesn’t matter. They do not care who says yes, they just want to hear yes. Take the guy asking all the girls out, he doesn’t care if the seventeenth girl says yes, all he cares about is that someone says yes. For me it matters who says yes. I am very strategic about who I ask and what I ask, normally the things that I ask for and the people I ask have a significant meaning to me. I don’t just throw out a request to anyone. Hearing no for me is hard because I only have a couple of people to ask. The more no’s that I hear the closer I get to having no one left to ask.
I think the devil uses this against me. Knowing my fear of rejection and not being given self worth from words of encouragement, the devil takes this and leaves me with paralyzing fear that gets me no where. This is my battle that I face everyday, the fear of hearing the word NO. I am getting better at hearing no and moving past it, but it still hurts to put your thought, time and passion into something only to get the standard response of “No, I am too busy” or “No I am not interested in your idea.”
Are you afraid to ask?