Archives For Depression

An exercise for you:

-Grab a piece of paper (yes a real piece of paper)

-Write at the top “If my life was a story, what is the plot of my character?

-Answer the question.

I hope that you can fill that sheet of paper with words.
If not, keep reading below.

For most of us (myself included) we know we are a character in a story, a story that is bigger then ourselves, a story that has an overarching theme. As a character in this story we interact with other characters each and every day. Some of these characters have defined purpose and plot, other characters are more like “extras” that sit at the bar sipping on a cocktail trying to blend in. But sometimes it is easy to get lost in the story, to lose sight of where you are going.
Simply put, you lose purpose and meaning.

I have to ask the question again:

Are You A Character In Search Of A Plot?

Still don’t know the answer?
Here is a way to distinguish if you are in search of a plot or not:

If you have no plot:

  • You start projects only to stop them half way
  • You find yourself spending money on items that you think will bring happiness only to find you want more
  • When challenged you shrink back rather then step up
  • You are always asking others for things rather then giving away anything
  • You listen to Ke$ha (okay that is sort of a joke, but seriously don’t do this)
  • You tend to react with anger rather then patience when dealt setbacks
  • You constantly compare yourself to others

If you have a plot:

  • You live from a place of response not reaction
  • You have clear life goals and plans to accomplish them
  • You speak less and listen more
  • When faced with a “no” you keep moving forward
  • You don’t just consume you produce
  • You spend less time looking for answers and more time asking questions

The way you answer the question above will determine the direction your life takes. Often times the plot does not reveal itself until we spend some time searching for it out. If you find yourself feeling like a character in search of a plot spend some time writing out the last three months of your journey notices recurring themes and situations. Spend time going through the characteristics of those who have a plot and those who do not have a plot and see check which applies to you.

The plot will never reveal itself until we are willing to see it.

Question: Is there anything you would add to either list?


There are days that I feel great. A new pair of shoes, a fresh hair cut, or maybe a fresh new shirt. These are the days that make feeling great easy.
There are days when you do not feel so great. A old pair of jeans, having to shave, wearing the same thing. These are the days that are more overwhelming then encouraging.

But really it goes far beyond the outside feeling and more inside, to the feeling of being misplaced.

For the past couple of days I have been homeless.
I am in-between moving apartments and to make a long story short I have had to stay with some friends for a couple of days until my new apartment is ready for me to move in. Everything I own is packed away in my Jeep, it is a like a mobile storage unit. As I drive around Nashville struggling to see out of my passenger mirror because of how full my Jeep is, I have an overwhelming feeling of pathetic.

I have not felt like this in a while. Felt like what you ask? Felt like I didn’t have a place to go, like I was running out of time before I was going to have to face reality. It is one thing to have nothing to do for the day it is another thing to have no place to go for the day. And that is it, I have no where to go and no security in what I was going to do. It simply is that I have no control over these next few days. I do not know the outcome, do not know the results, and do not know what direction to head in next.

My routine is off, but really I just feel off.

It is amazing to see how pulling out a very small detail, your routine, can throw you for a loop. The detail in this case is my familiarity with having a place to stay. Threw the help of some really great friends, I have had a place to sleep at night. But this feeling of being alone, confused, and anxious cannot be met by knowing that this is only temporary.

What is more amazing is when God shows you that He is there. I was reminded of this Tuesday night, that God is here, He has been here, and He will be here. My life can sometimes feel like a house of cards that if you pull the right one everything will come tumbling down. But hearing the freeing words that God is present in this moment and the future takes the worries and confusion and brings them back to trust and hope.

I write this today not as a pity party moment, but as a source of hope and encouragement for you and for me.
That even in a time where things seem to not be going the way you want them to. The times where you just feel off. That God is there in those moments and He is doing something that you cannot see but is asking for us to trust Him.

Because sometimes we get so focused on where we are going that we miss where He is leading us.




You know what is sexy? Dreaming.

That seems to be the sexy buzz word these days. Having big dreams that you hope to one day fulfill. You read the books, go to the conferences, and even blog about your dreams.
It seems to be a buzz word because people are making money talking about dreaming.

We now have coaches who help make dreams come true, blogs that teach you how to dream, and conversations that center around who has the bigger dream. Dreams are sexy.

You know what isn’t sexy? Working.

That is right, working on your dream is not sexy at all. It takes time, effort, energy, dealing with failure, money, frustraton, and even heartache. Working on your dream is not as fun as talking about your dream.

But here is something I believe. You can accomplish any dream you want.


First you have to know who you are.

Sometimes we get caught up in dreaming, but we never start by first evaluating our strengths, gifts, and promptings to see what we should be dreaming about.

Sometimes we have to open up our eyes to who we are before we can start dreaming about who we want to be.



How do you miss a layup? By assuming that it is easy.

There is nothing more embaracing then messing something up that is suppose to be easy. Just ask anyone who has failed. They know what it means to have gone into a situation thinking nothing could go wrong only to walk away with their head held low. Failure has a way of humbling us, but it also has a way of showing us that nothing is easy.

In life I have had what I often call “layups.” Situations that seemed so basic and easy that I could not miss or mess up. On the surface everything looks great, but below the surface awaits pain, frustration and confusion. Because missing a layup produces all kinds of questions and responses.

  • What happened?
  • It seemed so easy?
  • Did it slip out of my hands?
  • What distracted me?
  • Why did I take my eye off of the goal?

I think layups cause us to relax. They cause us to think something is going to be easy. But as we all know, life is not easy. Life is not filled with layups and wide open lanes to drive through. Life is messy, life is not what is expected. Life is not a layup.

But it is okay that life is not a layup. It is okay that we mess up the “easy” things in life. Because in those moments we move from our own dependance to a place of reliance on God.

Have you ever gone into a situation expecting a layup when it was really a half court prayer?


Its amazing what drive and determination can do for you.

I have to get this off my chest, my heart, and my mind.
I can feel the tears forming somewhere deep behind my eyes. I have that pit in your gut that will not go away. And am filled with a steady distraction that keeps me from completing the simplest of task. I call it the desire of success, but really is a desire of meaning and purpose.

This is not one of those things that I can sum up in the end with a nice shiny bow. I would love to do that, but I can’t even begin to write down words that will give answers to anyone, let alone myself. But here is one thing I am learning…you have to make things happen. Profound I know, but when it comes down to anything, you have to be the deciding factor to make anything happen.

I some how have bought into this idea that I could sit back and let God do the work. I even went on to believe that if I was around enough leaders and influencers they would help me out. But simply put, the inaction of my life has led to the feeling of being meaningless.

Its time for me to stop writing and start doing.


Here is something I have learned about myself, I need to have something to fight against.

Not a physical fight between two people, not drama or gossip, but a fight that is me against the odds.

Something to conquer and defeat.

This sounds terribly and I really do not wish this on myself, but I wish I had a financial fight, you know, tons of debt that I could work off. Maybe it is because I would love to check that off the list, a feeling of accomplishment or something, a chance to say I did it. But I think it is more a look to accomplish something, to have a tangible goal of paying off an amount of money.

Right now I feel like I am outside the ring. Maybe this is what fighters feel like in between fights. That itch to get back into the ring and get after it.

I am struggling to find something to work towards, to fight for, to go after. Its not in front of me, its not beside me, its doesn’t even feel like it is in the near future. The fight seems to have gotten the best of this fighter.

I Need A Fight


A week ago today it was 85 degrees, today it is 45 degrees and really really windy. Its what us wimpy people call cold.

I am not a big fan of cold weather, in fact I despise cold weather. The only reason I do not go as far as saying I hate cold weather is because of what it brings: cardigans, coffee, christmas, cold sheets and a warm blanket, the list could go on. But there is one thing that cold weather brings that is hardly ever discussed. The dreary world of depression.

The connection between the four seasons and emotional health has a scary relationship. Winter usually is to blame for the blah feeling that we have when finding motivation and cheer, but winter and cold are not the only times this feeling of depression is present. In fact, the season of depression is the spring. Yes, when the weather is changing, the flowers are blooming, depression only gets worse.

It would make a ton of sense that right now, (fall/winter) is the time of depression and spring/summer is the time of happiness. But in reality these next couple months are the time when depression makes sense and even starts to set in, but it doesn’t completely take over. The difference is, in the spring things are suppose to get better, life is suppose to turn around. The weather is changing and so should you. But when things do not turn around, depression becomes real and we start to question if we are ever going to get out of this “funk.”

Knowing that we are very prone (and I think everyone is) to letting the disappointments of life take over the outlook of the future I would encourage each and everyone to fight. Fight against the notion of letting depression and disappointment set in.

I know things are not always the best
I know that you deserve better
I know that you have worked hard and it seems that you cannot get a break
I know that all you want is a chance
I know it is easier to let fear take over rather then hope

But the most important thing I know is that He knows. God is there and will always be there with you. As easy as it is for me to say, God is with us in all seasons and moments.

I just know how easy it is to let fear, anxiety, and doubt to be at the forefront of everything you do. Lets encourage each other to not let these take over, but lets grab onto hope and lets fight.

The song below has brought me courage over these last couple of weeks. Check it out and listen to the message.