Feeling Fertile

Kyle Reed // @kylereed

My friends have been popping out babies like no tomorrow. Seriously, get cable or something, but slow your role. I am happy for you, but I feel left out or something. To be honest, lately I have been feeling fertile. No, I am not talking actually having a baby, I am talking more about babies in general. In the last 4 months I have had 5 friends have kids. All of these friends are my age (23) and all of them have been married for about 2-3 years. I am not player hating, I am just amazed at how the pregnant bug spreads faster then swine flu. In all of this baby making I feel pretty left out.

When someone else is doing something, you want in on the action. The way I know this is true is by twitter. I read peoples tweets all day, and am constantly in tweetnvy. Wanting to be the one going to concerts, or eating at that restaurant, or writing that blog post, etc…I am constantly hearing about what other people are doing and becoming jealous all at the same time. There is no except for all my friends that are married and are now having babies. I went through this 3 years ago when all my friends were getting married. There is only so many weddings you can be in and go to and not feel like the loser that never catches the garner. I started to really wonder if I was going to be the third wheel friend that never gets married. That kind of went away when I realized that it really was not that bad and the upside was that I had a lot of freedom to do things. Well, that feeling is back. After hearing about all of my friends having babies I start to really wonder when my time will come. But I really start to wonder if there is something wrong with me?

This is not a “pity party for Kyle” post, no it is more of a self reflection that I think we can all identify with. I have come to realize that what I want is never enough. I am in constant search for more, and when I get what I was looking for I often find that it is not enough. I think my biggest problem with feeling like I have accomplished so little is that I was taught by the world says that you are one step away from looking perfect, feeling perfect, or all of the above and often you are left wanting more. I feel like the church teaches that you have grown up when you get married and have kids. When I see my friends doing this and realize that I am so far away from that I feel like the 16 yr old kid in 8th grade, like I was held back in life. You just start to wonder if you are doing something wrong.

This is a constant battle for me. I have a hard time not judging myself by other peoples standards. Keeping pace with the Jones is what I believe it is called. If I was to look at others standards of where their life is right now I am way behind. In fact I am so far behind that I feel like I have not even taken off. But I do not feel alone in this marathon called life.  I think we all do this. We all look at what each other accomplishes, or how many kids “so in so” has and what kind of house they live in and compare ourselves to them. Isn’t that the American way, look at other people and then see where you stand?

I love babies. I love the how small they are and how they have that baby smell (the good clean smell, not the dirty smell). I just love babies. Maybe because my mom use to run the nursery at our church and I would help her out every Sunday, or maybe it is just unnatural for a human to not love babies. I just love babies. But I think I am more in love with the thought of a baby instead of an actual baby. I think sometimes I find myself drawn to the idea of having a baby and what my life would be like then. You know, I would have a wife, a house, a dog named Jack, and a job. I still love babies and love to hold them, but I can get more caught up in what a baby symbolizes rather then the baby itself.

We all feel fertile at some time. Capable of producing grandiose ideas of what life could be like. But that is not what God has called you and me to live like. He has not called us to live someone else life, or to envy what they have. He has called us to be ourselves and to be who He has created us to be.

You might feel fertile now, but is it an envious fertile? One that wants the “success” or life of another?
Or are we feeling fertile in a way that God has created us to be? In a way that uses what God has given us now to bring glory and honor to His name?

Do you ever feel this way?

*kyle

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Kyle Reed

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I create websites, conversations, and ideas. Advocate for the 20 somethings. Looking to connect everyone to a mentor. Married to my best friend, Ginny. I like my coffee black and my dog Jack. I currently live in Nashville and work at Sony Music/Provident in Nashville
  • Shelby

    As I was loading the page I was really hoping you had updated, I was thinking how early it felt and you were probably being normal and sleeping and YAY you weren't. Haha.

    But anyway, as I type this my boyfriend's sister-in-law is going into labor and about to have her first baby. Her name will be Isabelle and we are all SOOO excited. But I am definitely feeling the envious fertile feeling. Not just about babies, because heck I'm 18 and I am in NO way ready for a baby. But i do love them, and I love every little one I play with or baby sit and I get SO attached and dream about when It'll finally be my turn, I feel like I'm in such a rush to grow up and get out of college, get a job and have a real life.

    And ohman I have been watching WAY too many bridal shows on TLC because each time I turn on "Say Yes to the Dress" i get so caught up in their shopping and planning and I start to envy them and think how lucky they are. and I always end up feeling silly, I mean I'm so young, I'm still a kid really I'm not ready for any of that and I find myself envying it, lusting after that life really, and I know, and God is always swift to remind me. I need to live MY life right now in this moment. Not what ss 5,6,7 years down the road, if thats even God's plan for my life.

    But its always good to know. I'm not the only one who feels this way. :D Thanks for always sharing

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

      I am a sucker for the show on TLC called "Bringing Home Baby" I know that is sad that I am admitting that, but I like that show.

      You are right, it is easy to lust (good choice of words) after what others have and really got caught up in everything they are doing and then realize that you want exactly what they have. I find that when I get there I am very disappointed.

      A friend of mine told me about a guy we went to college with who is in Africa traveling around on a four wheeler and writing stories for a newspaper. I thought that sounded awesome and how i would like to do that. Then I realized that I would never get there because I would find 100 reasons why not to go. Often I think it is easier to lust after something then actually go for it.

      • Shelby

        My boyfriend's brother and sister-in-law had their first baby today. a little girl at 10:26 pm her name is Isabella (not isabelle like i said before) the entire 20ish hour weight, especially the last few hours was tweeted about between about 15 of us there were over 200 tweets tagged #babybella it was AMAZING and I thought I'd share that with you

        • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 klreed189

          Thats great to hear. Congrats to the new family that is forming.
          Thanks for sharing

  • http://www.gabetaviano.com Gabe Taviano

    Thumbs up for being transparent. God sure has a plan for you. I know I sometimes wish the clock of God ticked according to the pace of what I believe is "understandable". He's preparing you. He led me to my wife at a moment I didn't know was coming, and in a place I wasn't sure I'd be in. He's a mysterious, but provisional Father.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

      thanks for the words Gabe. I completely agree with you. The pace of God is very slow and often times I want it to speed up. I am use to having things at my timing. This idea that we can hit fast forward on our lives is crazy and cannot happen. Moving at the pace of God is very difficult, but necessary.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Cindy_Graves Cindy_Graves

    Awww, your momma did good!

    There is a girl out there somewhere who will be blessed beyond belief one day. Not many 23 year olds have their heads and hearts as straight as you do. Wise beyond your years.

    And remember, I told you I have 3 daughters if you make it to Atlanta! :-) They would totally KILL me if they knew I was doing this!!!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

      HAHAHAHA, love it.
      I might actually have to move there just for your offer. I mean everyone else lives in ATL that is cool and now that I have an offer I might be in business. I will keep you posted.
      Thanks for stopping in and thanks for the encouragement.

  • http://morethanuseless.com Tom

    Just wanted to add that I love posts like this – kinda putting yourself out there as honestly as possible with respect to personal feelings is one of those things that I'm still working on doing.

    And no, you're not the only one that struggles with some of the stuff you mentioned.

  • http://tyhuze.wordpress.com Tyler

    Your friends who already are having kids won't be able to experience the freedom and flexibility you get on a daily basis until they are grey and their kids are out of college. The experience you're getting at 23 will be their experience at 63…when would you rather have it?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

      Glad you weighed in TR Hughes.
      This is a good perspective really. I think I go both ways. On one hand I want to have that experience of a family on the other I love the experience of the freedom I have. As of now I could not be doing what I am doing if I was married and had kids. So I need that freedom now and not at 63.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

    Thanks Tom, I appreciate the encouragement.
    Maybe I just run out of things to say that make me look good so I just have to be honest. I don't know, I probably say to much sometimes, but I would rather be honest hear and show who I really am then be fake.

    • http://morethanuseless.com Tom

      I don't know if it's because you run out of things to say – only you can answer that ;) – BUT I do know that I tend to err on the side of being careful what I share in my posts because out of fear of how people may perceive what I'm saying.

      But I wanna get past that.

      There are two upcoming posts on More Than Useless later this week that are forcing me out of my comfort zone a bit because it's me being totally honest and open about some things.

      Like I said, I'm a fan of when people do this because it's so much more genuine and I think that it lets the rest of us know we struggle with (and/or think about) a lot of the same stuff, but it's hard to take that initial step and just let go of the "I wonder how people will respond to this." So anyway, yeah.

      Dude, I've gone way off on a tangent here. Didn't mean to hijack the thread.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

        well I look forward to reading those post.

  • http://www.cbraden7.blogspot.com Casey

    I think your (our) friends are a (crazy) unique bunch…there are plenty of people out there at our age who aren't even close to marriage, families, etc. Don't get discourage and don't try to speed up God's plan for your life…he's got it all worked out perfectly. Enjoy the place He's put you in and He may bless you with more than you could imagine! And in the meantime, prepare yourself for being a husband and father….read up, learn up! :)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/klreed189 Kyle Reed

      Well Casey you are those crazy friends and I am jealous. I have been loving the pics of your new beautiful girl. She has tons of hair.

      Will you be in town for Thanksgiving?

  • http://www.cbraden7.blogspot.com Casey

    Yep! We’re crazy! LOL!

    We’re staying in Louisville until Christmas.