There are days that I feel great. A new pair of shoes, a fresh hair cut, or maybe a fresh new shirt. These are the days that make feeling great easy.
There are days when you do not feel so great. A old pair of jeans, having to shave, wearing the same thing. These are the days that are more overwhelming then encouraging.
But really it goes far beyond the outside feeling and more inside, to the feeling of being misplaced.
For the past couple of days I have been homeless.
I am in-between moving apartments and to make a long story short I have had to stay with some friends for a couple of days until my new apartment is ready for me to move in. Everything I own is packed away in my Jeep, it is a like a mobile storage unit. As I drive around Nashville struggling to see out of my passenger mirror because of how full my Jeep is, I have an overwhelming feeling of pathetic.
I have not felt like this in a while. Felt like what you ask? Felt like I didn’t have a place to go, like I was running out of time before I was going to have to face reality. It is one thing to have nothing to do for the day it is another thing to have no place to go for the day. And that is it, I have no where to go and no security in what I was going to do. It simply is that I have no control over these next few days. I do not know the outcome, do not know the results, and do not know what direction to head in next.
My routine is off, but really I just feel off.
It is amazing to see how pulling out a very small detail, your routine, can throw you for a loop. The detail in this case is my familiarity with having a place to stay. Threw the help of some really great friends, I have had a place to sleep at night. But this feeling of being alone, confused, and anxious cannot be met by knowing that this is only temporary.
What is more amazing is when God shows you that He is there. I was reminded of this Tuesday night, that God is here, He has been here, and He will be here. My life can sometimes feel like a house of cards that if you pull the right one everything will come tumbling down. But hearing the freeing words that God is present in this moment and the future takes the worries and confusion and brings them back to trust and hope.
I write this today not as a pity party moment, but as a source of hope and encouragement for you and for me.
That even in a time where things seem to not be going the way you want them to. The times where you just feel off. That God is there in those moments and He is doing something that you cannot see but is asking for us to trust Him.
Because sometimes we get so focused on where we are going that we miss where He is leading us.