One Thing I Have Learned About Women

Kyle Reed // @kylereed

Ha, I had to laugh at that statement as I wrote about it in the title. I am probably already shooting myself in the foot by typing it, but I feel like there is one thing that I have learned about women over time.

I do not claim to have mastered this one thing, I am so far from even being decent at it, but I am aware of this one thing. You might be reading with great anticipation as I share my knowledge and wisdom with you. Or you might be reading this while giving me the double eye roll. But before we get to far ahead of ourselves let me give you my “resume” of experience with women.

I have 2 sisters, this in and of itself qualifies me to learn at least one thing. They have taught me valuable lessons about communication, fashion (or my lack there of) and emotions. They are the main source of my learning and understanding. So If you disagree blame them :)

Here is the one thing…
 

Women want you to listen not to speak

Yup, those are words to live by. Well maybe not, because guys love to talk and fix things. I know I am always guilty of this. But in the many conversations of trying to “fix things” (insert coldplay right here) it is not uncommon to be met with silence and even some frustration.

I am working on listening but still struggle to not speak.

Okay women, go ahead and correct me on this one. Am I wrong here? Help a brother (and all guys across the world) out.

What is one thing you have learned or know about women?

*kyle

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Kyle Reed

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I create websites, conversations, and ideas. Advocate for the 20 somethings. Looking to connect everyone to a mentor. Married to my best friend, Ginny. I like my coffee black and my dog Jack. I currently live in Nashville and work at Sony Music/Provident in Nashville
  • http://artiedavis.com Artie Davis

    Hey Kyle, that’s a good lesson, but my babe loves to talk too! So, I would say, mine loves to listen for sure, she wants me to talk. But boy, she loves for ME to listen. (Which is the hardest thing for me :)

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      haha, I love to talk that is my problem.

      But glad that others agree this is an important lesson.

  • Anna

    Thumbs UP. I’m going to let you in on a related secret:

    When we tell the men in our lives our problems, unless the phrase “what do you think I should do” passes our lips, we really just want someone to commiserate with — not a plan to fix whatever is going wrong. We’ll figure out a solution on our own, or decide it’s small beans and let it go…

    But when for instance my husband just sits and listens and says “that jerk!” at the right times, it makes me feel so much better. Or it makes me feel like a complete idiot because I realize in talking it out that I was the one in the wrong, and then I can go about trying to fix it.

    Your wisdom surpasses your years :) I know men three times your age that still haven’t figured that out yet!

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      Okay, that is a great secret. I will be listening for that exact phrase and then I will know that I can begin my advice talking time.

    • http://hannahborcherdt.wordpress.com Hannah Ruthie

      I definitely agree with Anna. I LOVE to talk in general. I’m not always looking for a response, I just need to say something.

  • http://www.thedailywalk.net Adam

    Agree! and they like to be right :)

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      haha, sounds like you have some experience :)

  • Mo

    :) this is a very important piece of information that you have discovered. HOWEVER it is my personal opinion that we dont just want a pair of ears to listen and a head to nod with us….i like it when, after im done detailing every second of my day, a guy also shares something about his day (i know not to expect lots of details or emotion), just a little comment on how his day was, or something different or important that happened for example.
    Women who just want to talk and nothing else, I find selfish, ESPECIALLY in a relationship, cause it’s not all about you but about the couple.

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      Yes, I agree. And I think that is important for guys to be able to express that.
      My problem is I am a sharer so I like to talk and detail my day as well, i have a hard time shutting up.

  • http://somewiseguy.com KC

    Great stuff, Kyle!
    I think the key to success in listening is to look a woman in the eye and interact while she’s talking. ACTIVE listening is what they’re looking for.

    • http://www.thedailywalk.net Adam

      Co-sign!

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      Nice, so listen with your eyes

    • Mo

      SO TRUE!!!! if you’re not making eye contact it tells me you’re not paying attention/you’re bored. Active listening…yes, please!

      • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

        well, we probably are bored :) but we can at least listen with our eyes

        • Mo

          oh snap! come on kyle…i was starting to think you were being honest about this :)

          • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

            well I have to keep you guessing

            • Mo

              ohoh..growing up with 2 sisters,you should know women are masters of the “guessing” game…

  • http://Www.twitter.com/clscholes Conor

    The real question is have you learned how to follow you advice? That is the hard part…:)

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      that is definitely the real question…and it is probably the hardest thing to do for me. I am batting about 500 right now. Sometimes I remember, most times I forget and put my foot in my mouth.

  • http://www.carusophotography.com Jay

    I actually think you wrote this post to attract a girlfriend because most women will agree with this.

    The really hard part is knowing when to listen and when to open your mouth. I still don’t have that down even after 15 years of marriage. But i’m getting better.

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      Jay, shhhhhhhhh

      Ya, I am sure it will be a lifelong quest

  • http://www.prudychick.com Prudence

    I think there needs to be a balance. And THAT is what’s difficult. It’s learning us and reading our emotions. Sometimes all we want is for someone to listen. To not try and fix whatever may be wrong. Other times we want your input. Like I said it’s a very difficult balance. And truth be told, I think at least for me we don’t even know what we want. But just listening is probably best. Followed up with a sincere is there something more I can do?

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      haha, exactly you do not even know what you want so how the heck are we suppose to know? But I have always aired on the wrong side and just assumed you wanted to know so I told you what to do. I am leaning more towards the other way of just listening and waiting to be asked for what to do.

      And that is a good follow up.

  • http://www.kristanjohnson.wordpress.com krista johnson

    I agree. thanks for posting and stirring conversation. one thing to add is that in my experience, it’s not just that women want to be heard.. but that they want their thoughts/feelings/emotions validated. when i talk with male friends, their first inclination is to fix. while fixing is great…i would rather hear, “yes, your thoughts are valid. how you feel is valid.” then and only then will I listen to any further idea on how to fix or create change.

    • http://agodthatmovesmountains.com Lexi MacKinnon

      I agree with Krista…we want men to listen but also to validate those feelings. It’s not bad to offer solutions or advice, as long as they have acknowledge the emotions (good or bad) behind the issue at hand! Good realization though..keep working at implementing it! =D

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      interesting. I can understand that though.

      On the flip side, guys well maybe its just me, are pointing to your thoughts being valid by offering up a solution. I know that is what I do. I guess what I am saying is that the way I communicate that I care and am listening is by trying to help and offer support.

      But I hear you saying first we need to validate and say that we hear what you are saying?

      • http://joannamuses.com Joanna

        Trust me, women won’t normally read being presented with a solution straight away as validation. What rushing to through a solution in rather than taking the time to listen and talk it through says to a women can often be “I can’t wait to get this conversation over with so I am shutting it down with a quick fix as soon as I can”

  • http://www.gritandglory.com alece

    you. are. smart.

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      i tell myself that every day :)

  • James Finley

    Yeah, pretty much right here:
    http://www.thedoghousediaries.com/?p=2619

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      love that…you are married now you should know these things

  • http://Exerciseofgrace.blogspot.com Alicia

    So true.

  • http://kamriereed.com Kamrie

    Ok mr cocky pants your welcome for these great life lessons! I think you are somewhat right. Sometimes i don’t want someone to be the fix it man. I just need to talk. Have a listening ear and just talk. say what is going on out loud and not have to say what i need to do but express the emotion

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      haha, oh so glad I get to listen to you

  • http://www.cartoonrebellion.net Jenny

    You got this one right.

    Like really, right. Good job Kyle.

    Just keep talking. Women like to hear. Sometimes advice or even word vomit show us that you guys care.

  • http://theperkinsblog.net Michael

    Have her back even if she’s wrong. Especially if she is your wife.