Ruining my Sister

Kyle Reed // @kylereed

IMG_2090This is my younger sister Kamrie. She is pretty cool, sometimes. Most of the time she is the thorn in my side. Why? Because she is exactly like. She does not let me get away with anything. Constantly keeping me in check as well as dishing back what I throw out there. Yesterday I realized something, I am ruining my sister.

My sister is 15. She reads about a book a week, and not just those stupid books about vampires, she reads any books that I throw her way. As you are reading this, she is currently tackling the book Total Truth by Nancy Percy, she shocks me everyday with different scripture memorization, she has started a ministry called Scarlet Cord that is all about helping prostitutes in Nicarague find God, she writes great blog post like this one or this one or definitely this one, and every Sunday she serves with the special needs ministry at our church.

I am afraid that I am going to ruin all of that. How might you ask? I think my negativity and critical spirit is starting to creep into her soul. I am what you like to call a sarcastic and negative person. I realized this past week that this comes out the most in front of family and friends. What I did not realize was the mark that it left on people. Over the past month I have seen my sister turn from a Bible open, note taking, sermon listening sister, to a Bible open, note taking sermon critiquing critical person. I think that is my fault.

I do not want her to be bitter at the church. I do not want her to be overly critical of everything a minister says. I do not want her to find more negatives then positives. Like I mentioned before, my sister is just like me, which means that she struggles with the same negative spirit that creeps up on you on takes grab of your soul until it squeezes the life out of everything you do.

She use to be very innocent, now she sees the church for what it is, flawed. Yet, it stops there for her. It stops at being flawed, not about being the bride of Christ saved by grace or redeemed by His blood, but flawed. I am afraid she will stop dreaming, stop believing, and stop acting on what God is leading her to do. She has some amazing ideas, passion that cannot be held down, ad potential to change things, and yet I could get in the way of all of that. I might be ruining my sister.

I am committing to change, committing to find more positives to say about the church then negatives, and I committing to help my sister grow, not teach her to tear down. This is my New Years Resolution, to not ruin my sister.

How about you…Are you ruining anyone?


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Kyle Reed

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I create websites, conversations, and ideas. Advocate for the 20 somethings. Looking to connect everyone to a mentor. Married to my best friend, Ginny. I like my coffee black and my dog Jack. I currently live in Nashville and work at Sony Music/Provident in Nashville
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  • Crystal Renaud

    i know that i ruin a lot of people with my attitude toward the church. it is coming more clear through a friend who recently returned to the church with a renewed faith. she's so wide-eyed and excited. i don't want to ruin her, simply because i was hurt and am frustrated. thanks for this post—it is an excellent reminder.

  • @tylerleif

    This hits me right where I am. I've made a similar resolution–not involving my sister, though.

    I've been evaluating the toxic influences in my life lately, and I've realized that I–with my cynical, critical, negative attitude–am actually the toxic one. I thought I was opening people's eyes, but I may have just been closing their hearts instead.

    The hard question becomes how to really change your attitude. It's easy to talk about being more positive or speaking less critically, but I'm too jaded (yep, it's getting circular) to believe that I can do that without practical, daily changes. I'm in the process of figuring out how to really bring that to fruition.

    (FYI: I'm a friend of Kyle Chowning, who recommended following you on Twitter. It seems to have been a wise recommendation.)

    • Kyle Reed

      You are right, that is a very difficult question to ask and even tougher to really follow through on.
      I love how in your question the jaded side can even come into the answer. I am the exact same way, I talk about changing but can even justify it with my jaded side as well.
      Good retrospective thoughts here.
      But we can do it, at least by the power of God we can do it.

      Thanks for stopping in as well. Look forward to more conversation here on the blog and twitter.

  • Brett Barner

    Love the honesty.

    Reminds me of what this great guy I know once said, "People are constantly watching you, learning from you and listening to you. Whether you know this or not, you are a mentor."


    Rest of the quote it here:

    • Kyle Reed

      I know that guy, he likes to say things but has a hard time living them out.

      I have constantly battled this. Working on having a positive influence instead of a negative influence is one that is very important but I wonder how effective I am at it all.

      But yes, we are all mentoring someone.

  • Jeffrey Holton

    I wouldn't worry about it too much. We NEED sarcastic and negative people in all sorts of ministries. You know, they're the ones who say to the happy people, "I will not allow your pathetic denial of reality to get in the way of my spiritual growth and salvation."

    So don't worry about it. She'll be fine. You know that passage on the Fruit of the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?

    Yeah, the footnotes in my Bible say that "some early manuscripts also add 'jaded.'"

    No, really.

  • Kyle Reed

    Well I guess I feel sort of better after this.