The One Thing That Destroys My Relationships

Kyle Reed // @kylereed

Relationships take time. Pretty obvious, but often times they take a lot of communication over time. Seems to be another obvious statement, relationships are about communication right? What amazes me is how relationships can break down because of communication. Maybe it is that conversation you have over the phone where you cannot see the reaction of the other person, or that separation of miles that keeps you from communicating, or maybe it is just the lack of communication and conversation that causes it all to break down. At some point we have all had a relationship that has broken down because of communication, but I wonder how many times we could prevent this break down?

It seems that in relationships, the things that go unsaid are often more damming then the things that are said. The littlest misunderstanding that could be cleared up with a quick apology or question can split a relationship apart and force the two to never talk again. Its funny that we are afraid to say the thing that both of us are thinking, or to say the thing that could offend the other for the moment but save the relationship forever. I wonder how many relationships have been ruined or have been limited because one person or another was afraid to say what needed to be said.

Whats the hardest thing about relationships that you deal with?


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Kyle Reed

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Kyle Reed is a connector looking to connect with others. A 20 Something that is blogging his way through life and looking to connect through community. Also a team member of the 8BIT Network and brand evangelist. Find me on twitter: @kylelreed, lets chat.
  • Chelsea C

    I think the hardest thing I’ve struggled with in relationships in trust. I had a father who was never around when I was growing up and it’s messed up my trust in others. When you have an inconsistent father it skews how you deal with others. Great post today. Communication is key in any type of relationship.

  • Anna (@ampersand86)

    I totally agree with you — communication makes or breaks relationships.

    The best two things I ever read regarding communication was in Now You’re Speaking My Language by Gary Chapman. In the book he says that so many times when we’re communicating with people, the breakdown happens when we try to communicate with someone they way we want them to communicate with us. For instance, if we’re “thinkers”, we might try to communicate with someone using hard logic and spelling things out so they look good on paper. But to the “feeler”, this might seem cold and emotionally disconnected — especially if the topic of discussion is related to your relationship.

    The other thing he mentions is that even if two people are speaking English, there is still a language barrier there because for one thing, one person in the conversation could be ineffectively communicating their thoughts. But even if they are communicating effectively, the person listening may interpret what they’re saying in a way that is totally different from what the speaker intended.

    My big relationship hurdle before I met my husband was I had very little patience or grace for the guys I dated. As soon as the shenanigans started, I dropped ’em like third period French! I was always scared of being that girl that everybody knew that was stuck in a stagnant relationship with a guy that treated her like crap. So I tried to stay ahead of the game, so to speak. :P

    Now my biggest issue is totally internal — I’m emotionally high maintenance to a fault.

    • Kyle Reed

      Those are great thoughts and references from Chapman. I need to check out that book. Thanks

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  • Laura Anne

    Trust. I can do that thing of ‘testing’ guys to try and work out if I can really trust them. I play games, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve got a little mean at points.

    And letting guys get away with disrespecting me. That’s something I hope I never, ever do again.

  • Laura Anne

    Also…very amused by your choice of photo – that’s the photo we use on our pregnancy crisis centre leaflets. LOL!

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  • Shelby

    I struggle with trust and intimacy in all relationships which definitely is a result of my childhood, but i’m working on it