Why Do You Go To Church To Be Someone Else?

Kyle Reed // @kylereed

This is a very interesting question to me that I have thought about but have not thought thought about:

If Christians can’t be who they are within their own churches, why are they even a part of church? Why not go someplace where they can be themselves?

I think this question might be more impacting to ministers. But I would like to hear your thoughts.


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Kyle Reed

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I create websites, conversations, and ideas. Advocate for the 20 somethings. Looking to connect everyone to a mentor. Married to my best friend, Ginny. I like my coffee black and my dog Jack. I currently live in Nashville and work at Sony Music/Provident in Nashville
  • http://theperkinsblog.net Michael

    Okay man, awesome question. I too have often wondered this myself. And its something that I teach/write about often. I think that the problem is that not enough are confident enough in who they are. (that was my problem) They worry that if they go in and they are “different” they may not be accepted. (again my personal opinion)

    On the other side, if the church is inhibiting people from being themselves, then there is a problem. I’m not referring teaching truth, I am referring to petty stuff…like dress, income, etc…Then there is something majorly wrong.

    I’m not sure if I answered the way you were looking for, but I tried my best be clear.

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      I think one of the best answers to any question is with a question.
      So I think you answered it perfectly.
      And yes I am with you, I think we are afraid of what others will think of who we truly are.

  • http://downwritehonest.com Benji Zimmerman

    You have been reading PTSF :) . . . What about Groeschel’s “Drop the Pose” . . . I think people go to church because they are looking for something, something to help them, sometimes at the right church they find what they were looking for, but sometimes they end up mimicking their surroundings rather than finding what they were searching for.

    Many churches are very good at creating a culture of pretend holiness, rather than a community of broken and honest ragamuffins.

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      yes indeed I have been reading.

      You are dead on, the pretend holiness is perceived as safer place to be, but ultimately way more destructive.

  • http://theperkinsblog.net Michael

    I feel out of the loop. What is PTSF?

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      Its Anne Jackson’s new book Permission to Speak Freely

      • http://theperkinsblog.net Michael

        Now I feel silly. I finished it 3 days ago.

  • http://benlemery.com Ben

    I didn’t get an exclusive copy of PTSF so I can’t comment on this.

    Just playin.

    I often have come back from church wishing I wouldn’t be myself so I could fit in with everyone else, haha. I think people like the masquerade because it is safe and normal. When someone is open and honest about anything and everything, it simply cuts into their comfort zones which causes them to retreat away from you.

    That is just my example I guess.

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      you could have, I got mine through booksneeze from Thomas Nelson.

      And yes, comfort zone is a safe place, but not always the best place

      • http://benlemery.com Ben

        I tried to get it through Booksneeze, they are unkind to the West Coasters! All the books were snatched up before we even rolled out of bed.

  • http://scarletcordm.com Kamrie

    This question has actually been in the back of my mind for a long time. The church that I go to right now seems so fake to me. I feel like each Sunday I get a little sense of support but then I think some of these people who claim to love me 100 percent wouldn’t love me if they knew all of me. It is not that I am hiding myself from others. I just know that at this place if you were to truly lay it all on the line and say this is who I am and this is all of what I believe most would not know what to do. I can imagine them simply stand there and saying nothing. By saying nothing though seems like it is worse than criticizing. So now I am caught between wanting to live in the past but being forced to move forward and contemplate leaving this church.

    • http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

      I feel the same way Kam, so you are not alone

  • http://shelbyisrad.wordpress.com Shelby

    That is actually the reason I left the church I used to attend. I felt like not only was it all so fake and that the people were fake I felt if I didn’t sit there and be sweet perfect Shelby I would be pushed away. and When I stopped being little perfect good girl and I questioned things I was most certainly pushed away, luckily I was pushed into the arms of a church that lets me be me, and encourages me.